Edited by Aram Mrjoian, Editor-in-Chief
 

The Rumpus seeks rolling submissions (no end date) for two new columns, Collaborative Criticism and Close Read, edited by our editor-in-chief, Aram Mrjoian. Submissions for both columns can be submitted as full drafts or pitches.

For pitches, please provide a paragraph about what you want to write and how you’ll execute it, a short author bio, and links to two pieces of recent criticism you admire.

These columns will be published on a rotating basis based on availability on our editorial calendar. Rumpus members are also welcome to submit drafts or pitches for both columns through the members submission portal. 

Collaborative Criticism column

The Rumpus seeks critical work co-written or produced by two or more people. Submissions should be 1000-5000 words, but flexibility will be given to longer projects. Such works can take a variety of forms and could include:

• Literary or artistic debates between two writers as mini-essays or complementary reviews.
• Critical essays co-researched or co-written.
• Interviews or conversations that focus on a larger critical or cultural conversation rather than a forthcoming book.
• Hybrid collaborative criticism.

Close Read column

The Rumpus seeks short essays exploring a specific page, paragraph, or sentence from a book, film, piece of music, or other media. As opposed to a review, this is an opportunity to really dive into a tiny sample of writing, regardless of whether it was published last week or a hundred years ago. Submissions may range from 500-5000 words with some flexibility.

Dear Writers,

So, you’ve decided you’re a woman or nonbinary writer and would like to submit to Funny Women. Out of all decisions, this is the best one you can make.

Submit:
Direct your entry below. 

Length:
The ideal piece is finished and polished, revised 3-100x, and between 650 and 1,000 words. I do not accept pitches or sexts.

Content:
While humor/satire is grounded in truth, we do not accept personal essays/anecdotes. We publish fiction. But not short stories, which are different from short conceptual humor and satire. For examples, please read our archive or other sites like ours (Daily Shouts, McSweeneys.net, The Belladonna, Weekly Humorist, Slackjaw, Points in Case, Flexx, Little Old Lady Comedy, Awf Magazine, etc.)

My favorite submissions:

Are literary and feminist at the same time. Usually they make fun of/ridicule writing, reading, publishing, and sexism.  

Note that publication is about "fit." Many pieces aren't published on a certain site NOT because they're bad but because they're not a FIT for THAT SITE. <3

Timely vs. timeless: 

Send evergreen over timely pieces (holiday themes, weather, politics, etc.) because it often takes months to read a submission after you've written, revised, submitted and followed up on it.

Cover letters:
Not necessary, but you should know it's 10x harder to pass on your submission if your cover letter is super nice and exudes confidence and evidence that you've read and loved the column/me.

Formatting:
No tricked-out formatting that tells me something about your soul. Keep it simple and readable.

To include in your submission:
Title of submission, your name, email address, and favorite piece of writing by someone who is not a straightwhitecisman.

Author bios:
Please! Even if you've never been published (and who cares if you haven't), you can still reveal the city where you live and if you have any pets.

Previously published work:
Nope. Send original pieces—not archived blog entries.

Payment:
Confirmation that you have in some way changed the world’s mind about who’s funny. (You'll get a little money, but keep your expectations low.) (Lower than that.)

Response time:
I have anxiety dreams and lifelong guilt that I don’t get back to you when you think I should. Please understand I receive hundreds of submissions and have day jobs. Response time varies—between two minutes and eight months. I know. Forgive me. Have patience. I care about you.

Assistant editor Gina DeLuca reads submissions before I do, which has transformed the submission process. 

Reasons you might not hear back:
None. I’m not heartless. If you don’t hear back after eight months, then I didn’t get to your submission. Follow up with me via email: funnywomen AT therumpus.net.

How many pieces may I submit at once?

One. Wait until you hear back on one piece to submit another, and (this is me helping you) don't submit a new piece the moment after a non-acceptance (instead, reflect on why your first piece wasn't a fit for the column and how to improve the second).

Some reasons I might not choose your piece to appear on Funny Women:
  --You wrote a poem. (I love poetry but am not qualified to edit it.)
  --You wrote a personal essay or short story.
  --You submitted a "top 10 list" or a listicle. (McSweeney's Internet Tendency has a special section for lists; try them. Note: I do love lists that consist of 5-9 paragraphs, like "Buddhist Num Rewrites the Classics," or a wish list, like "A Literary Agent's Manuscript Wish List," that coheres to tell a story.)
  --You submitted an illustration/comic/piece under 10 words.

--You submitted something pop culture-y about celebrities, reality TV, etc. (As much as I enjoy it, this is not the column for it.)

--You pitched your own column within this column or something serialized. (This is the only column, and we publish a different writer every month or so.)
  --You satirized in the wrong way.
  --You began: “This is not a love story.”
  --You began: “This is a love story.”
  --You had five or more grammatical mistakes.
  --You thought you wrote something feminist, but you really wrote something racist.
  --You didn't read or adhere to the submission guidelines.
  --Maybe I am heartless.
  --Your submission wasn't a short humor submission.
  --You believe feminism = hating cis men or anything other than political, economic, and social equality for all people and cute animals.
  --You don’t believe in yourself and your dreams.

If your piece is not published at this time:
Do not take it personally, which is something I'd do. Out of all the reasons why your piece was not accepted, very few have anything to do with your writing or you as a writer. Still, "rejection" is information, and before you submit elsewhere, I suggest revising and ensuring the piece fits the specific elsewhere. 

Help:
Here are some writing tips. 

Here are some writing prompts. 

Please direct any additional questions or snide remarks to: funnywomen AT therumpus.net.

Visit elissabassist.com if you're interested in what I look like or want to take a humor/satire writing class with me.

I look forward to our future friendship.

This section is for poetry book reviews.

The Rumpus has two reading periods for unsolicited original poetry. Unsolicited poetry can only be submitted during those reading periods to our Rumpus Original Poetry category. Please do not submit unsolicited poetry here; the submission will be discarded.

We’re focused on reviews of full-length poetry collections and chapbooks by both emerging and established poets. We accept drafts of completed reviews only; please do not submit pitches.

We’re eager for reviews that embrace the traditional form as well as those that challenge or experiment convention, that welcome the “I” and a reader’s personal relationship to a text, and that engage with the form beyond our own imaginations. Please disclose any relationship you have to the author of the book you’re reviewing, if one exists, so we may determine any conflict of interest.

Your review should be accessible to a general audience. We're more interested in the reader's experience of the poems, subject matter, arc, and the poet's use of craft than we are in scholarly criticism or theory. We love reviews that address how the collection interacts with poetic tradition, the current landscape of poetry, and that speaks to what the collection brings to our shared discourse as readers and writers.
Formatting details:

• Reviews should be between 1200–2500 words for full-length collections, 1000-1500 words for chapbooks.
• Please provide the following information at the top of your review: title of book being reviewed, author of book, name of press and publication date, reviewer's name and email address
• Reviews should be single-spaced and paginated.
• Poem excerpts of more than three lines should be formatted exactly as they appear on the page, and set off in the text of the review. Please include at least 1–2 excerpts of more than three lines. Shorter excerpts should be quoted within the text of the review using quotation marks and virgules ( / ), with one space ahead and behind the virgule to indicate line breaks. Poems cannot be reprinted/quoted in their entirety. When excerpting poems, spaces at the front of the line and within lines should be done using the space bar rather than the tab key.
• There is no need to cite page numbers within the review, but please check excerpts and quotes carefully to ensure they are free of errors and formatted correctly.
• In your cover letter, please include: your contact information and a brief bio that we would use should your review be accepted

All work must be previously unpublished—this includes personal blogs, websites, and social media. We do allow simultaneous submissions; please withdraw your review from Submittable if it is accepted elsewhere. Please wait at least three months from date of submission before querying about submission status.

Publishers seeking to submit finished books for review consideration should not use this Submittable account.

If you are interested in submitting a review of a poetry collection, please only do so in our Poetry Book Reviews category on Submittable. Do not submit poetry reviews here.

We're interested in thoughtful, engaging book reviews between 1200-2500 words. Please submit a finished draft of your review rather than a review pitch.

Reviews should be single-spaced and paginated. Please provide the following information in your cover letter and at the top of your review: Title of book, author's name, name of press, publication date, and your name and email address. In your cover letter, please also include your contact information and a brief bio that we would use should your review be accepted.

We prefer not to publish negative reviews, but it’s fine to discuss a specific weakness, lack, or question you have related to the book. Please disclose any relationship you have to the author of the book you’re reviewing if one exists; we do not accept reviews where a conflict of interest exists.

All work must be previously unpublished—this includes personal blogs, websites, and social media.

Publishers seeking to submit finished books for review consideration should not use this Submittable account; instead, please send a description of the book to our Books Editor at michael.barron@therumpus.net. For poetry collections, please reach out to poetry@therumpus.net.

Announcing the Inaugural Rumpus Prize for Poetry

The Rumpus has a long history of championing emerging and established poets, and we're pleased to announce a new way of bringing attention to great poetry. 

• $1,000 first-place prize and publication on therumpus.net
• Honorable mention receives $200 and publication
• All entries are eligible for publication in The Rumpus. Those published will be offered the standard contributor payment of $50. 

The Rumpus will accept contest submissions from December 5, 2024, through March 2, 2025. Finalists will be contacted in May 2025. Winners will be announced publicly and published by June 2025. 

We are honored to have KAVEH AKBAR as our judge for the inaugural Rumpus Prize for Poetry.

Kaveh Akbar's poems appear in The New Yorker, The New York Times, Paris Review, Best American Poetry, and elsewhere. He is the author of two poetry collections: Pilgrim Bell (Graywolf 2021) and Calling a Wolf a Wolf (Alice James 2017), in addition to a chapbook, Portrait of the Alcoholic (Sibling Rivalry 2016). He is also the editor of The Penguin Book of Spiritual Verse: 100 Poets on the Divine (Penguin Classics 2022). Martyr! (Knopf, 2024), Kaveh’s first novel, was a New York Times bestseller, the 2024 recipient of the Brooklyn Public Library Book Prize for Fiction, a 2024 Discover Prize Finalist, and a 2024 National Book Award Finalist. 

In 2020 Kaveh was named Poetry Editor of The Nation. The recipient of honors including multiple Pushcart Prizes, a Civitella Ranieri Foundation Fellowship, and the Levis Reading Prize, Kaveh was born in Tehran, Iran, and teaches at the University of Iowa and in the low-residency MFA programs at Randolph College and Warren Wilson. In 2014, Kaveh founded Divedapper, a home for dialogues with the most vital voices in American poetry. With Sarah Kay and Claire Schwartz, he wrote a weekly column for the Paris Review called "Poetry RX."

For POETRY submissions:

Submit 2–4 poems per entry. Combine all poems into a single document. For poetry, we are seeking to publish the single best poem or set of 2–3 poems. The entire submission should not exceed 10 pages. Poems must contain only the poem title(s) and poem(s) without the author’s name or contact information anywhere on the submission itself. While we embrace and consider poems with diverse page presentations, there may be situations where we are unable to accommodate poems with special formatting as seen on the page.

Prizes

A prize of $1,000 plus publication for our first-place winner will be awarded in each of the three genres. Honorable mentions in each genre will receive $200 and will also be offered publication. 

Selection Process

The Rumpus’s editorial teams will read all entries and pass along their top choices to the judges. Final selections will be made anonymously, and the judges will choose the winners and honorable mentions blindly. Decisions of the judges are final. 

How to Submit

Writers age 18 and over are eligible to enter. Writers cannot be a current or former student of the contest judge in the genre to which they are submitting. 

Simultaneous submissions are acceptable, but previously published material in any format (including blogs and social media) is not eligible. Submissions can be withdrawn from the submission system if accepted elsewhere. However, entry fees will not be refunded. Individual parts of a poetry submission (i.e. a single poem in a set) can be withdrawn by sending a message through Submittable. However, additional work will not be permitted as replacement. 

Fee

The cost to submit is $20 per set of 2–4 poems (10 pages max). Writers may submit multiple groups of poems, but each entry will include a $20 submission fee. 

Submissions Process

Submissions and payment for the inaugural Rumpus Prize for Poetry are conducted through this Submittable page. If you are interested in entering prose for our Fiction and/or Creative Nonfiction Prizes, please see those guidelines here. Do not combine submissions in multiple categories in the same entry. 

We look forward to reading your work!

Announcing the Inaugural Rumpus Prize for Fiction

The Rumpus has a long history of championing emerging and established writers, and we're pleased to announce a new way of bringing attention to great stories. 

• $1,000 first-place prize and publication on therumpus.net
• Honorable mention receives $200 and publication
• All entries are eligible for publication in The Rumpus. Those published will be offered the standard contributor payment of $50. 

The Rumpus will accept contest submissions from December 5, 2024, through March 2, 2025. Finalists will be contacted in May 2025. Winners will be announced publicly and published by June 2025. 

We are honored to have RACHEL KHONG as our judge for the inaugural Rumpus Prize for Fiction.

Rachel Khong is the author of Goodbye, Vitamin, winner of the California Book Award for First Fiction, and named a Best Book of the Year by NPR; O, The Oprah Magazine; Vogue; and Esquire. Her work has appeared in The New York Times Book Review, The Cut, The Guardian, The Paris Review, and Tin House. In 2018, she founded The Ruby, a work and event space for women and nonbinary writers and artists in San Francisco’s Mission District. She was born in Malaysia and currently lives in Los Angeles. Her second novel Real Americans (Knopf 2024) was a New York Times bestseller. Her short story collection, My Dear You, will be published by Knopf in Spring 2026.

For FICTION submissions:

Submit one story, up to 5,500 words total, per entry. Stories must contain only the story title and story itself without the author’s name or contact information on the submission itself. Submissions should be at least 12-point font and double-spaced for readability.

Prizes

A prize of $1,000 plus publication for our first-place winner will be awarded in each of the three genres. Honorable mentions in each genre will receive $200 and will also be offered publication. 

Selection Process

The Rumpus’s editorial teams will read all entries and pass along their top choices to the judges. Final selections will be made anonymously, and the judges will choose the winners and honorable mentions blindly. Decisions of the judges are final. 

How to Submit

Writers age 18 and over are eligible to enter. Writers cannot be a current or former student of the contest judge in the genre to which they are submitting. Writers cannot be on The Rumpus's masthead as a current member of the editorial team or a volunteer reader, even if you're interested in submitting in a genre outside of your department.

Simultaneous submissions are acceptable, but previously published material in any format (including blogs and social media) is not eligible. Submissions can be withdrawn from the submission system if accepted elsewhere. However, entry fees will not be refunded.

Fee

The cost to submit is $20 per story. Writers may submit multiple stories, but each entry will include a $20 submission fee. 

Submissions Process

Submissions and payment for the inaugural Rumpus Prize for Fiction are conducted through this Submittable page. If you are interested in entering prose for our Poetry and/or Creative Nonfiction Prizes, please see those guidelines here. Do not combine submissions in multiple categories in the same entry. 

We look forward to reading your work!

Announcing the Inaugural Rumpus Creative Nonfiction Prize

The Rumpus has a long history of championing emerging and established writers, and we're pleased to announce a new way of bringing attention to essayists. 

• $1,000 first-place prize and publication on therumpus.net
• Honorable mention receives $200 and publication
• All entries are eligible for publication in The Rumpus. Those published will be offered the standard contributor payment of $50. 

The Rumpus will accept contest submissions from December 5, 2024, through March 2, 2025. Finalists will be contacted in May 2025. Winners will be announced publicly and published by June 2025. 

We are honored to have MEGAN STIELSTRA as our judge for the inaugural Rumpus Creative Nonfiction Prize.

Megan Stielstra is the author of three essay collections: Everyone Remain Calm, Once I Was Cool, and The Wrong Way to Save Your Life. Her work appears in the Best American Essays, New York Times, The Believer, Poets & Writers, Tin House, LitHub, The Rumpus, and elsewhere. A longtime company member with 2nd Story, she has told stories for NPR, the Museum of Contemporary Art, and theatres, festivals, and classrooms across the country. She teaches creative nonfiction at Northwestern University and is the senior editor for Northwestern University Press where she acquires fiction, nonfiction, and genre-bending narrative.

For CREATIVE NONFICTION submissions:

Submit one essay or creative nonfiction piece (up to 4,000 words total) or up to 3 flash nonfiction pieces (up to 4,000 words total for all pieces combined) per entry. Entries must contain only the title(s) without the author’s name or contact information on the submission itself. We are open to all forms of creative nonfiction but are most interested in personal essays, lyric essays, memoir, and other literary forms. Submissions should be at least 12-point font and double-spaced for readability.

Prizes

A prize of $1,000 plus publication for our first-place winner will be awarded in each of the three genres. Honorable mention in each genre will receive $200 and will also be offered publication. 

Selection Process

The Rumpus’s editorial teams will read all entries and pass along their top choices to the judges. Final selections will be made anonymously, and the judges will choose the winners and honorable mentions blindly. Decisions of the judges are final. 

How to Submit

Writers age 18 and over are eligible to enter. Writers cannot be a current or former student of the contest judge in the genre to which they are submitting. Writers cannot be on The Rumpus's masthead as a current member of the editorial team or a volunteer reader, even if you're interested in submitting in a genre outside of your department.

Simultaneous submissions are acceptable, but previously published material in any format (including blogs and social media) is not eligible. Submissions can be withdrawn from the submission system if accepted elsewhere. However, entry fees will not be refunded.

Fee

The cost to submit is $20 per essay or up to 3 flash creative nonfiction pieces. Writers may submit multiple essays or sets of flash nonfiction pieces, but each entry will include a $20 submission fee. 

Submissions Process

Submissions and payment for the inaugural Rumpus Prize for Creative Nonfiction are conducted through this Submittable page. If you are interested in entering prose for our Poetry and/or Fiction Prizes, please see those guidelines here. Do not combine submissions in multiple categories in the same entry. 

We look forward to reading your work!